Greetings, dear Matriarchs, and Matriarchs in the Making.

Today, I want to talk about something that deeply affects the ability of women to engage in meaningful social and political organizing: relationship dynamics. Through years of working with women in diverse spaces—many rooted in activism and change-making—I’ve witnessed a recurring, often invisible barrier: the influence of a woman’s partner or spouse.

In many cases, this influence manifests subtly. A woman’s capacity to take risks, show courage, or even make time for movement work is shaped behind closed doors. Especially in the U.S., where patriarchal norms continue to shape our familial and social structures, women face varying degrees of control, emotional manipulation, narcissism, and even abuse—emotional, financial, physical, spiritual. These are not always visible. But they are real, and they matter.

I share this not just as observation but as a truth I’ve lived and witnessed. I also want to acknowledge the privileges that allow me to speak freely:

• I’m in a marriage with a partner who continues to grow and evolve with me.

• I’ve crafted a career that gives me economic independence.

• I’m not at risk of harm at home—physically, emotionally, or financially.

These privileges are not universal. I grew up rural, where economic dependence on men was a fact of life. Logging, ranching, and prison work dominated the region. Jobs for women were few, and often tied to the state or schools. That economic dependence shaped—and still shapes—many women’s choices, including their capacity to organize or even dream beyond survival.

This dynamic continues today. Women may be juggling multiple jobs, managing households, and internalizing the belief that their needs don’t matter as much. These invisible weights make it difficult—if not impossible—for many to show up in collective action.

So what do we do?

We start by naming it. By saying out loud what so many know in their bones.

Then we build space for sisterhood. One of the most powerful gifts my mother gave me—deeply rooted in Latvian culture and the feminist movement—was the importance of gathering with other women. That kind of prioritization builds not only personal strength but also leadership capacity.

Another topic that often emerges when reading The Matriarch Makeover is whether to stay in one’s current relationship. Many women, after engaging with the book, make major life changes—leaving marriages, jobs, industries, or even entire communities. If you are in that place, I honor your journey.

If you’re considering leaving a partner, seek support. You don’t have to—and shouldn’t—do it alone. Whether you’ve been in a relationship for one year or sixty, reclaiming your voice and truth is possible, and it’s never too late.

And finally, if you’re on the brink of a decision, try sharing your truth—safely—with your partner. Use tools from The Matriarch Makeover, like the 10-Year Self exercise, the Advocacy exercise, or the Flip and Twist. If you’re going to change or end a relationship, give it your A-effort if it’s safe. Offer your partner a real chance to meet you where you are now—not where you once were.

We aren’t taught how to be in great relationships. But we can learn. We can lead. And we can support one another in the process.

In sisterhood,

Maija