How Matriarchal Wisdom Can Help Us Raise Children with Community, Trust, and Love

Parenting is not a straight line. It’s more like a circle—a weaving of past and present, ancestors and descendants, lessons we choose to carry and those we choose to set down.

When I think about my own journey as a mother, I carry both gratitude and humility. I raised my daughter with many forms of support: financial stability, chosen family, roommates who helped during college, and my mother-in-law’s presence when she was small. These resources made things possible that aren’t available to every parent. I hold deep respect for those who raise children without that web of support, and I don’t pretend to know the fullness of their experience.

What I can offer, though, is the lens of modern matriarchy—a perspective that has guided my parenting and continues to shape how I think about family and community.

Inheriting and Choosing

Every parent is an inheritor. We carry stories, teachings, and patterns from the families who raised us—whether biological, adoptive, or chosen. Some of these teachings become anchors, grounding us in love and stability. Others we recognize as harmful, patterns we choose to end with us.

For me, conscious parenting begins here: asking, Which teachings do I want to pass along? Which ones do I gently release? Without those questions, it’s too easy to parent on autopilot, repeating what was done to us rather than creating what is needed now.

Parenting Beyond Hierarchy

The second thread is about decolonizing our parenting—shifting away from isolation and hierarchy toward circle and community. Parenting does not need to be a solitary act. In fact, it was never meant to be. Children thrive when they are raised not just by parents, but by aunties, elders, mentors, and communities.

This perspective shaped some of the choices I made with my daughter. Here are a few of the practices that emerged along the way:

• Opening our home. For years, Friday night dinners were open to anyone my daughter wanted to bring. Simple food, easy snacks, and a standing invitation created a space where her friends felt welcome and where I could stay connected to her growing world.

• Inviting aunties and elders. From the time she was small, I encouraged my daughter to build relationships with my peers and chosen aunties. These were not casual connections but real bonds—people who created art with her, listened deeply, and shared wisdom that only they could offer.

• Bringing her into my work. Whenever possible, I invited my daughter to see me in my professional life. She came to know me as more than “mom”—as a whole person with purpose, community, and responsibility. Those experiences, I believe, planted seeds for respect and understanding in our relationship.

• Honoring intergenerational knowledge. I never felt it was my role to provide every lesson on my own. Knowledge flows best when it comes from many directions—grandparents, mentors, community leaders. Creating space for these voices enriched my daughter’s life in ways I never could have done alone.

• Practicing honesty. Above all, I tried to be truthful. About privilege, about mistakes, about values. Children can sense when we are authentic, and honesty builds a foundation of trust that continues into adulthood.

Parenting as Peacemaking

Over time, these practices grew into something like peacemaking. Our family created shared values and simple ways to resolve conflict. Sometimes this looked like a formal family plan; other times, it was as simple as a holiday exercise where everyone wrote down their wish lists of activities, and each person got to choose one. Small practices, but powerful reminders that every voice matters.

The Work of Modern Matriarchs

To parent from a matriarchal perspective is to remember that family is not a hierarchy—it is a circle. We are not just raising children; we are weaving connections across generations, strengthening bonds of community, and creating relationships built on trust and truth.

The circle widens with every auntie, elder, and friend who is welcomed in. And in that widening, both children and parents find a deeper sense of belonging.

Wonderful — here’s a closing reflection you could add at the end of the blog post:

Reflection

As you think about your own journey with children—whether as a parent, grandparent, auntie, uncle, teacher, or community member—what are the teachings you want to pass forward, and which ones end with you?

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If this resonates, I invite you to watch a short 11-minute talk where I explore these ideas in more detail: View Recording.

You are also welcome to read the Reclaiming Father’s Day post I did earlier this year for all the fathers in my life.